It’s time to get a little personal. I want to talk about the bedroom.

OK, not THAT personal.

Am I the only one with a complete pit for a bedroom?

It is no secret that, with five kids, housework is a constant challenge for me. I feel like it takes all I have to just keep things sanitary sometimes, let alone tidy. I think that it is only natural that I focus my efforts on the public areas.

Yes, that’s right, I’m admitting it for everyone to read: if you come to my house, I want you to operate under the impression that I’m better at housework than I really am. Therefore, I put the majority of my efforts into the parts of the house you are most likely to see.

I am a fraud. Therefore, my bedroom is a pit.

The thing is, I need someplace to get away. My entire house is overtaken by the small people who run and shout their way through my life. And I am grateful for them. But that doesn’t change the fact that they frequently overwhelm me. And I need someplace to get away from them other than the bathroom.

And it should be someplace that isn’t a pit.

So, tonight, I began work on reclaiming my bedroom. It isn’t going to be a one evening endeavor. I have craft materials to sort through and find homes for. I have a closet floor to excavate. And I’m banishing the kids’ stuff to other areas of the house.

And, heaven forbid, I might hang a picture or two. Maybe I’ll finally put up the wall sconces I bought about a year ago.

I’ll build my retreat if it kills me. Then, I may never come out again.

Today, I am thankful for:

1. A six year old who is becoming mature enough to fold some laundry on his own WITHOUT BEING ASKED. Or maybe I’m just grateful for the aliens that obviously took over his body.
2. Homemade butternut squash soup. Can anything possibly be more “Autumn” than that?
3. Finishing school before lunchtime today. It was so nice to know that the rest of my day could just be what it was without having to worry about fitting in the rest of the day’s lessons.
4. Being able to actually see the slow and steady progress that is being made as I work to organize our house.
5. My kids getting to play with their cousins today. It may mean more noise to overwhelm me, but they love hanging out with their cousins and I love for them to be happy.

Yes, I failed to post five things that I was grateful for last night. Not that I hadn’t thought about them. It was just a side effect of several nights of a baby not wanting to sleep worth a darn. Truth be told, I almost skipped tonight, too, for the same reason. I lay down with Violet to get her to sleep, then my brain turns to goo and I’m worthless for the rest of the night. Blah.

To be fair, I will give you ten tonight.

Today, I am thankful for:

1. The brave men and women (past and present) who fight to preserve our country’s freedom (including my father who served in Vietnam and my father-in-law who served in the Persian Gulf).
2. The husbands and wives who stay behind while their spouses serve. I have a lot of friends in the military, and it never fails to amaze me the strength and patience of those spouses as they move from base to base and worry for the safety of their deployed loved ones. They are heroes, too.
3. A night off from my normal Wednesday night scouts. Not that the boys aren’t fun. It’s just nice to get a night off.
4. My husband’s creativity in supplementing our income.
   
   It may not be pretty, but it seems to have one heck of a plow there on the front. This may be the first time ever that I’m hoping for a snowy winter.
5. An opportunity to curl up with Wyatt and read a book. It is hard for me to get one on one time with my kids outside of their school time (which isn’t the same). Wyatt especially seems to crave it and really reacts to even a bit of time with just him. I’m glad we got some tonight.
6. The fact that my little boys like watching Mythbusters with me. There is joy in sharing the geekdom. Now, I just have to hope that they don’t have nightmares about shattering frozen heads.
7. Chocolate chip cookies (even if they do nothing for my desire to lose the baby weight).
8. The sweet prayers that my little boys offer. It is so amazing how thoughtful and (sometimes) even profound such young children can be.
9. Getting to sleep in a bit later than usual (especially when the baby woke me up every hour or so throughout the night).
10. The fact that this is the last thing I need to think of to be thankful for. I know…lame copout. But I’m tired. And my brain is mush. And now the baby is crying. Goodnight!

This weekend, Noah and Wyatt decided to write letters to Santa Claus. These were given to Sean with the instruction to mail them to the North Pole today (and then my instruction to save them since I could see him not necessarily thinking about the fact that THEY MADE LISTS since he isn’t the one who agonizes over the Christmas shopping).

Right before bedtime tonight, Wyatt came up the stairs.

“Dad, did you remember to send the letters to the North Pole?”

Sean stammered a bit.

“Um, uh, I forgot to today. I’ll mail them tomorrow.”

“OK,” Wyatt answered. “But don’t forget. The North Pole.” Then he headed down to bed.

I looked at my husband.

“You were too busy to remember to PRETEND to mail a letter?”

That, folks, takes talent.

Today, I am thankful for:

1. Someone who wants to buy our old stove. That’s one less large thing taking up space in my house and a decent bit of cash to add to the Christmas budget. Double score.
2. A hubby who sweetly cleaned up after dinner while I laid on the couch with a sleeping baby. And is now going to fold laundry while I’m writing.
3. My mother doing math with Noah today. It is always so nice to have a day with a little less school work to do.
4. One last beautiful day in the high sixties before the weather turns crummy again for the rest of the week.
5. The ever-present laughter in our home. Sure, we’re usually laughing at the ridiculousness of one situation or another, but it’s still laughter. It is a good thing when you still possess the ability to laugh at yourself.

Once a year, all of the children from three to eleven years old in our church do a presentation during the main part of our Sunday meeting. All year long, the kids practice the songs they will sing. For the last month or so before the presentation, they practice reciting parts that they are each assigned.

Today was the big day. Noah and Wyatt had both been practicing multiple times a day over the past couple  of weeks. Wyatt was to say, “My family and I can serve others.” Noah’s was significantly harder: “The family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children,” They both told me they thought they would be nervous saying their parts in front of all of the adults.

They both nailed it.

And me, being the proud mommy, sat in my seat grinning so big that my face hurt and holding back the tears. This mommy gig is pretty darn rewarding sometimes.

Today, I am thankful for:

1. How seriously my little boys took preparing for their parts today.
2. The amazing primary presidency and teachers that put forth so much effort in preparing the program today.
3. The special spirit of little kids. A member of our bishopric commented that children are angels that sing off key. Perfect description (even though they weren’t really off key as a whole ).
4. The Heavenly intervention that somehow kept my three younger children relatively quiet and well-behaved while Sean was up front helping with the primary presentation. I was really worried that I would have to miss seeing most of it to keep the little ones out in the hall since I was sure they would be too energetic for me to wrangle on my own. But we made it. And I wasn’t even grumpy by the end.
5. Reconnecting with an old friend. Recently, I had been thinking some about a couple we knew early in our marriage and wondering how she was. Today, she found me on Facebook. Just like that, after absolutely no contact for probably six years. How cool is that?

I got an earlier than usual start to my day today. This is thanks to the fact that Noah decided not to ride along with Sean and the other boys when Sean went to get donuts for a special treat this morning, then got bored/lonely when his visiting grandma went down to take a shower. So he came into my room and told me that Daddy said it was time to get up. Even though Daddy had already left and said no such thing before going. But I didn’t know that until I was already out of bed.

Of course, the baby decided that today was the perfect day for HER to sleep in, so I could have gotten some quality rest. Sigh.

I made sure to take advantage of that early start today, though, since I knew that I had additional errands to run. Namely, I needed to go buy Sean new suit pants before church tomorrow, since the seam in his other pair ripped out along the butt right before church last week.

Side note: I am utterly baffled by the fact that a man who is so completely butt-less seems to kill most of his pants by tearing that seam. I couldn’t tell you how many pairs of pants have met that fate in the fifteen years that I have known him. I swear, I think he does squats in them when I’m not looking.

So, my first stop today was JC Penny’s to replace the pants. And OH BOY is it a good thing that it was my first stop. Because the pants? They were a door buster sale this morning. Plus, there was a $10 coupon. Which means that the pants were ONLY forty-two dollars. As opposed to the ONE-HUNDRED FORTY DOLLAR price on the tag.

Excuse me???

It is just a freakin’ pair of pants! And let’s be honest, suit material is rather thin. There aren’t even any tummy support panels or butt boosters built in. And, quite frankly, if I spend $140 on a single pair of pants, they’d better do something special. Like the dishes. Or tucking my kids in bed at night.

Maybe I should focus my sewing skills on men’s clothing. Because, obviously, it’s a racket.

Today, I am thankful for:

1. The enjoyable time that we had with my mother-in-law while she was here and her safe arrival back home.
2. My father used to tell me that you could form calluses on your hands or on your butt. I’m thankful that my husband is the kind of man who has them on his hands. And I’m thankful this means that my compost bin got built today and our last two pine trees got cut down.
3. Little boys who are learning their father’s work ethic. They should sleep well tonight after dragging so many pine branches to our fire pit.
4. The two big pots of mums that my mom gave to me. And the fact that she even planted them for me.
5. Finally finding the time (and having a beautiful day) to clean up the remainder of my garden. My side yard no longer looks like it suffered an apocalyptic event.
6. (A bonus one!) I’m grateful that I noticed the dog in my car right before I closed the door so I didn’t have to go through another night of worrying what happened to him. Or wake up to a car that smells like nervous dog in the morning. What a pinhead.

*I think, from now on, whenever I can’t think of a clever title for a post, I will just pretend that my life is part of the Complete Adventures of Winnie the Pooh and title it appropriately.

I am now three months into being the mother of a daughter. Since Violet was born, I have regularly had people ask me if it is different having a daughter. I have avoided the urge to respond, “Only when I’m changing her diaper.” I mean, she’s still a little lump of a baby (a very cute lump, but a lump nonetheless).

And then, a week or two ago, it happened. I projected.

I innocently clicked on an add for Rebecca, the Jewish American Girls doll from New York City. OK, maybe it wasn’t innocent when I first did it. I have, in the past, found great humor in the American Girls dolls. Especially after I found out that they currently have an American Girl named Gwen who is homeless. Which means that she is probably petitioning Congress to tax the 70’s Girls’ (Julie and Ivy) incomes more heavily to pay for universal health care. Which probably has Molly and Emily (the World War II dolls) worried since Medicare is all but bankrupt and they might not get the same level of care that they are used to if the government is more concerned with keeping the younger dolls healthy. But don’t worry, Rebecca will probably throw together a televised benefit to raise awareness of the health crisis in this country.

So, anyhow, $95 for a doll has always seemed rather extreme to me.

But I got into that site and started clicking around. I found the “Just Like You” dolls that don’t have any historical significance attached to them. Then I saw this one:

And I could picture it being the doll that would be the most to look like my little girl when she got a bit older. Then, suddenly, I wanted it. Not because my three-month-old could give a rat’s patoot about ANY dolls. Or because I’m irrational enough to think that $95 is suddenly reasonable. But because it is the COOL doll to have, and I can relate to wanting the COOL doll (not that she does, but someday she will—whether this is still the cool one or not).

You see, I still have vivid memories of the Cabbage Patch Kids craze. I can remember when I was, oh, probably eight or nine years old. My little brother was young enough not to know that dolls aren’t “boy” toys, and old enough to want one. My sister was old enough that my mom thought she was too old to be interested in dolls still, and young enough to resent it when she wasn’t given one. So, yeah, probably eight or nine.

We were visiting my grandparents. My mom and sister had gone shopping together and left me at the house with my grandparents. While they were at the store, a new display of Cabbage Patch Kids was brought out. This was in the height of the craze, when entire displays disappeared within minutes of being brought out. Right place, right time. My mom grabbed two, one for me and one for my brother. I still remember how completely and overwhelmingly excited I was that my mother brought that doll home to me that night. I had something special.

Now I want that for my daughter. I may still have to wait a few years.

Today, I am thankful for:

1. The local children’s museum. My kids love that place. And I love being able to go to a great big building full of things that my children are ALLOWED to touch.
2. Corell dishes. Goodness knows how many plates I would have bought by now if it weren’t for those indestructible little gems.
3. Noah’s frequently short attention span (at least on this one), which will probably kick in long before he actually achieves the coveted Corbin Bleu look.
   
4. Roots. At the museum today, we ran into two different families that we know. My mother-in-law commented that every time she goes someplace with me, we run into at least one person that I know. Really, that’s pretty accurate. That’s what happens when you live in the same area the vast majority of your life. And it is really comforting for me. I wouldn’t do well with having to move around a lot.
5. Naps. After an over six year stream of constant babies, it is really pretty amazing that I’m able to form any type of coherent thought. If it weren’t for naps, there is no way that would happen. Besides, what could be better than curling up under a warm quilt on a chilly autumn afternoon?

Today, I am thankful for:

1. The Chinese buffet. Because my whole family enjoys it. And I’m lazy.
2. An evening spent on the couch snuggling with a sleepy baby (and pushy cat) and watching Project Runway. I’ve been trying to spend my evenings cleaning and organizing lately, so it was great to just be lazy.
3. The opportunity to teach my children from home. Even though we butt heads and sometimes, honestly, could use a break from each other, I get to watch the light bulbs go off. Heck, I get to flip the switches. Cool.
4. The fact that all of my laundry was washed and folded today. Best five minutes of my week.
5. A 20-month-old who has started telling me every time he is stinky. That means he’ll potty train earlier than the others did, right? RIGHT???

After I posted my letter to myself yesterday, I had a “so where do I go from here?” sort of a feeling. Then Jill (and then Nicole) commented that they would love to see me write another letter to the future me. So I started thinking about it.

First, I had to figure out who I would be writing to—what stage of life I would be in. Let’s see…I was almost sixteen when I wrote that. Seventeen years have passed. Now, I’m rapidly approaching thirty-three. Add seventeen years to that and, HOLY CRAP, THAT CAN’T BE RIGHT!!! It would appear that, through some obvious flaw in the fabric of the space/time continuum, I am now just as close to being fifty as I am to being sixteen.

People, there is a phrase to describe the feeling that comes with a realization like that, but I’m too much of a lady to use it. Not too much of a lady, apparently, to admit knowledge of its existence, though. Hmmm…I should probably work on that.

I may still write that letter, but not tonight. I need to go find a dark corner to rock back and forth in.

Today, I am thankful for:

1. Arbonne. The night creme. The eye cream. The serum. And the amazing facelift in a bottle stuff. Because it JUST HASN’T BEEN THAT LONG since I was sixteen years old…and now I’m almost fifty.
2. The opportunity to be a cub scout leader. Not that I ever thought, Hey, I want to leave my house full of hyper-active boys so that I can go spend my evening with OTHER PEOPLE’S hyper-active boys! but it really is a good learning experience. My kids are only a couple of years younger than the ones I’m working with. This is boot camp people—I might have a chance of surviving the war.
3. The members of our armed forces. This month’s scout theme is based around heroes. Some of our boys have fathers who are currently deployed. And those men (and all the others like them)? SUPERHEROES. Thank you. And thank you to the wives (and husbands—women get deployed, too) who go through emotional hell and hold down the fort on their own. You’re superheroes, too.
4. The fact that Violet is starting to be content to be down in the swing or on a playmat on the floor more. I’m starting to be able to accomplish things occasionally now.
5. The internet. The knowledge that it puts at my fingertips. And the chance it gives me to “chat” with others that I just wouldn’t get as much without it.

January 13, 1993

Dear Me,

This is a letter to myself to let me, in the future, see what my hopes and expectations were when I was almost 16, and to see how my life met up to those dreams and expectations.

In two and a half years I hope to graduate high school and probably go to BYU. I want to get my bachelors in English secondary education. Maybe minor in Spanish.

I would like to be married when I am 20 or 21. I don’t want to have children until I have graduated college and maybe even worked a couple of years. When I do have kids, I hope to be in a financial situation that I do not need to work so I can stay home and raise a large family.

I hope to remain active in the church and serve the Lord. I have given a mission a thought, but I doubt that I will go on one. I want to keep my virtue and stay pure. I want my husband to remain with me forever.

I found this letter to myself while I was cleaning last night. I wrote it 17 years ago—it has managed to survive all of those years and several moves. Amazing. Even more amazing is just how closely my life resembles what I envisioned as a high school Sophomore. Really, the only things I got wrong were that I was twenty-TWO when I got married and I didn’t minor in Spanish. Other than that, it all came true (well, I guess forever hasn’t happened yet so my husband had better hold up his side of that bargain!).

Who says that teenagers don’t know what they want? Or that what you do and think as a kid won’t end up affecting the rest of your life?

Today, I am thankful for:

1. The fact that my boys are old enough to turn on the TV and entertain themselves until I get up in the morning when they wake up too early.
2. The obvious and extreme amount of effort that went into the activity for the women at church this evening. My soul was replenished and I am so grateful to all the women who took time out of their lives to give me such a wonderful evening away from mine.
3. Adult female conversation. All of the other speakers in my household are male (and most are kids). ‘Nuff said.
4. The fact that after I asked Noah today how he feels about his adoption (he said there wasn’t really anything he wanted/needed to talk about) and emphasized that if he ever had questions or wanted to talk I am always willing too, he immediately grabbed a piece of paper and drew a picture of him hugging me under a rainbow with hearts and the words “Happy Birthday” (which I interpret as “I love you” given the overall sentiment and the fact that it is nowhere close to my birthday). And the huge, prolonged hug that followed after he gave it to me. A “moment” definitely occurred.
5. My mother’s apparent reelection (not all of the polls have reported, but she has a comfortable lead). That job brings her too much purpose and joy for her to lose it.

One more thing for this evening. I am a big believer in the power of prayer, even if you don’t actually know the person you are praying for. I say this because I have a friend who could really use some prayers right now. Her daughter was diagnosed with leukemia a little over a month ago. A couple of days ago, she was put on antibiotics for a staph infection. This evening, she tested positive for H1N1. I know that a lot of people reading this blog are already praying for Candace. But I know a lot of you don’t know her. If you can find it in your heart tonight, say a prayer for her. Then say a prayer for her parents because, wow, I just can’t imagine how hard this is. Thanks.

Last year, I made a challenge to myself to spend the month of November focusing on gratitude. I decided to do Thirty Days of Thankfulness on this blog by listing five things that I was grateful for each day. It was not always easy, but it was an incredibly positive experience for me.

About a month after finishing my challenge, my family was in a horrible car accident. In some small way, I wondered if part of the miraculous protection that we received was tied to the gratitude I was feeling for all that I have.

This year, I will again do my Thirty Days of Thankfulness. With all of the challenges that our country is currently facing, I think that we could all benefit from remembering just how blessed we really are—even when times are tough. I would love to have others join me (leave a comment if you decide to so I can make sure and check in on what you are grateful for each day!). Of course, I missed the first day, but not because I wasn’t thinking about it. I just had a certain three-month-old baby refusing to sleep anywhere other than on me (the story of my life and the reason this blog has been rather quiet lately). So, today, you get ten things that I am thankful for.

Today, I am thankful for:

1. The opportunity to finally raise a daughter.
2. The joy of raising four sons.
3. The baby giggles that just began this week.
4. The fact that tomorrow is election day and, therefore, the last day that my mother will be consumed with reelection (I bet none of you had your kids handing out political literature as they were trick-or-treating, but I sure did!).
5. The progress I am making on decluttering and organizing my home (even if I still have a long way to go).
6. A husband who loves and believes in me.
7. Religious beliefs that help me keep perspective as uncertainty swirls in the world around me.
8. The unbridled laughter that ensues when four little boys have access to whoopie cushions.
9. My husbands grandmother, who comes over twice a week to help me out however she can.
10. The fact that I have a healthy family—may it always be so.