Daily Archives: April 4, 2008

Here Comes the Son(s)

Last night, my phone rang. Sean grabbed it and, as he was bringing it to me said, “It’s P~.” OK, not necessarily helpful since we have three people in our life with that name–all of whom could have been calling me. When I looked at my phone, it said P~R~. N’s birthmom’s mother. I was excited to answer it. It wasn’t P~, though. It was T~! Even better! It has been quite awhile since I have gotten to talk to N’s birthmom.

My first question, of course, got to the matter of why she called. I asked her how her baby was, and if he was still in, or if he was now out. The answer was that he was born on Saturday–on C’s birthday! That will be an easy one for me to remember. It turns out that she had a very similar labor to the one I had with E~, but not as long. She went into the hospital with her contractions about two minutes apart, only to have them slow back down. Like me, it took pitocin to get things going again. Her little boy was seven pounds and seven ounces, so a decent amount smaller than E~.  Of course, that just means that she gets to have normal-sized babies (how unfair is that–she is seven inches taller than I am)!

T~ isn’t usually one to talk very much. She tends to play her cards very close to her chest, so I was grateful and pleased that we had a rather long conversations that included things from both of our lives. We, of course, talked about the babies, as well as our other kids (we’re up to seven between us). We also talked about the fact that N~ is going to be in kindergarten next year, and that I have already enrolled him in a homeschool/charter school (I’ll write more about that soon). We talked about my concern over N’s difficulty with letters and the fact that she struggled with math until middle school.

Maybe most importantly, I told her about N’s recent understanding regarding his adoption. About how he saw a picture of her and said, “That’s my mom, right mommy?” About the fact that he asked me the other day what “birth parents” means, and if W~ has birth parents. I left out the fact that the conversation started when N~, angry with W~ for some random thing, shouted, “You’d better stop it or we’ll send you back to your birth parents!” I was both amused and bothered at the same time. Amused that he could come up with something like that since nothing of the sort has even remotely been said to him, and bothered that he would see it that way. We explained the concept that we were W’s birth parents, as well as his mommy and daddy. I wish I would have been thinking a bit more quickly–I told him that he is the only one in our family that has separate birth parents, which is true of our nuclear family. I wish I would have thought to point out that his cousin, Tank Boy, also has separate birth parents, as well as Quinn, who is coming home this weekend (!).  Instead, I just pointed out that having separate birth parents just means that he has extra people to love him.

T~ was really surprised that N~ was already asking about adoption and figuring out how we all fit together. I told her that we have just gone with the idea that if he is old enough to ask the question, he is old enough to get the answer (in an age-appropriate way, of course). Between the fact that he is getting a new cousin from Vietnam, and the fact that he just got a new brother from me being pregnant, we have had plenty of questions to answer that go back to adoption. While she didn’t say it, I think I could hear T~ tearing up as I told her about it. I hope that it doesn’t make her nervous to be around him. Of course, that is why I brought the topic up in the first place–I want her to be prepared in case he asks her any questions. She has a right to know that he is thinking about it.

Which, of course, brings me to the most exciting part of our conversation. As soon as she feels up to it, we are going to set up a visit! She and her family want to come out to see us. Of course, my home is always open to them (conversely, I know that I am welcome there any time). It has been too long since our last visit–almost a year. I have respected her decision to pull back for awhile, but I am glad that she is ready to visit again. She and her family are such good people. I am so grateful for the chance we have to know them. It is amazing to me that we have developed such a good relationship–when we were first matched, she wanted no contact at all. We have come so far.

In other adoption news, Mom, Matt and Quinn should be home tomorrow evening! And Elaine has already invited us over on Sunday, so I’m less than 48 hours from meeting my new nephew! I really am excited about this. And it will be comforting to have my whole family back where they belong. Life is good.


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Filed under adoption, Kids, open adoption