Well she was an American girl
Raised on promises
She couldn’t help thinkin’ that there
Was a little more to life
After all it was a great big world
With lots of places to run to
On my way to our youth activity tonight, I went through the drive thru at Taco Bell to get something for dinner. I sat in the church parking lot and ate my food while listening to Tom Petty. My window was down, my music was up, and Spring was streaming into my soul. It was one of those moments that took me back ten (ok, fine, fifteen) years to when I was one of the girls coming to the activity, instead of one of the leaders.
It is amazing how certain things can take me back so easily. The Steve Miller Band takes me back to high school. A certain U2 song takes me to the week before summer semester my Sophomore year of college.
I remember having a conversation with my mother years ago. “It’s weird,” she told me, “who you are inside doesn’t get older. You look in the mirror an see someone different, but you’re still the same person inside that you were years ago.”
I’m beginning to understand.
It seems impossible that I could be one person’s mother, let alone four people’s. I usher my little brood through the day thinking, “Whose idea was it to leave me in charge?” My kids look to me for guidance and protection, and I sit in my car feeling American Girl flow through my consciousness.
Sean has known me long enough to remember the “good girl” with that streak of rebellion below the surface, wanting to come out. I generally held it back in the important ways.
I’ve grown up so much, but I haven’t really changed at all.