The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men…

…Get their necks snapped by morons.

OK, so maybe that’s being a little harsh but, really, how many days does it take to replace a cigarette lighter in a car? We started trying to get it fixed last Wednesday. They finally got the part we needed yesterday morning. So, instead of leaving on vacation when we had planned to, we sat in a mechanic’s shop (with all four kids) while they took over an hour to do a “fifteen minute” job. It made us late picking up my niece, S~, who is going on this trip with us to help with the kids.

By the time we left my state (which would normally take about an hour from my house) it was already about 5:00 pm. And we left the house at 10:30 am. Which means we had already had a full day, mostly in the car, before we even officially got on our way. We drove until midnight last night, and still didn’t even begin to get as far as we normally go on our first day of driving. As a result, we didn’t reach Orlando today until around bedtime for the kids.

But we’re here!

And, holy crap, the hotel is HUGE. OK, what was I expecting? It is the largest Marriott in the world. S~ and I went for a walk (she promptly lost her wallet and, amazingly, found it again) and didn’t begin to cover the whole thing. We were both stunned by the size of the main swimming pool (yes, there are several). We will have to take some time to get in that thing at some point. Wow.

The one thing they don’t have, though, is free wireless service. Someone explain this to me. I mean, cheap hotels have free wireless, but every time I stay someplace really nice, they want to charge me out the wazoo for it. Aren’t we paying enough already??? Fortunately, the Sheraton across the street seems to take the same attitude as I do, and they have one rockin’ wireless connection. It reaches my room.


And now, since I know you are dying to hear about our two days in a car, some observations…

First, it is amazing that it only takes a couple hours driving south of my home for me to suddenly seem like a huge yankee. As I already said, I only live about an hour north of the state line, but crossing it seems like crossing into another dimension. A dimension with loogey-hochin’ grannies and Cooter from the Dukes of Hazzard. In case you are wondering at this point, Granny hoched the loogey in the Walmart parking lot, next to Cooter’s truck (with most of a four-wheeler strapped in the back). You just can’t make this stuff up.

Something else I couldn’t make up…seeing a Cozy Coupe broken down on the side of the highway. I know that gas prices are over the top, but I just wouldn’t think that was street-legal…(I also saw a bedpan with handles on the side of the freeway, but trying to get anywhere in that would just be silly.)

I also have the winning entry for the world’s biggest idiot driver. At one point, we got stuck behind a cop who (annoyingly) didn’t feel like driving 75-80 mph (speed limit was 70, so we weren’t being that bad). So we slowed down and followed. And followed. Aren’t cops supposed to make little treks up and down the same basic area? We tried to stay patient, but another guy wasn’t doing so well with it. He started tail gaiting the cop. OK, now that is dumb enough. What is dumber, however, would be to pass the cop after several minutes of riding his butt fails to get him to speed up. I’ve never seen someone pulled over with the cop out of his car so fast in my life.

Stupidity like that deserves a ticket.


Tomorrow, the real fun begins. We have passes for the week to Universal Studios. The kids are all ramped up to see Shrek and Spiderman. I’m just excited to have a day where I’m not one of seven people crammed into an Explorer.


*OK, this was written last Wednesday, obviously. It turns out that the Sheraton’s connection wasn’t as good as originally suspected. I couldn’t keep the connection long enough to post. I will write more about the vacation as I am able, now that I am home.




Filed under Idiot Files, just plain bizarre, Kids, vacation

2 responses to “The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men…

  1. Wow, what an ordeal! Glad you’re back… we missed you! 🙂

  2. Pingback: Observations (Here’s Your Sign) « Mixed Nuts

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