Monthly Archives: July 2008

If It’s Brown, Flush it Down

Sigh.

The bat thing seems to be a full blown infestation. Ten were caught and released today. One more poor fellow didn’t make it out. Maybe he got disoriented. Or maybe he was just thirsty. Either way, he was doing the CSI float in the office toilet this morning.

Now, if that doesn’t give you nightmares…

I have spent all day imagining some sort of horrid jack-in-the-box. A Bat-in-the-Pot, if you will. Obviously, it would be shaped like a toilet. The usual crank would be replaced by the toilet’s handle. As All Around the Mulberry Bush comes to its merry end–flush–the lid pops up and the bat attacks your heiny.

Of course that led me, in my train-of-thought sort of a way, to thinking about the moths that protect themselves by imitating huge eyes on their wings to scare off predators. I suppose I could offer a permanent marker and the full extent of my creativity before Sean leaves for work tomorrow.

Somehow, I don’t think he’d take me up on it.

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Filed under A Scary Look into My Mind, just plain bizarre

Rapidly Increasing Batty Count

So, are you all sick of me talking about the winged infestation at Sean’s office, yet? No?

Personally, the highlight of my day was getting the latest guano (how’s that for geekified slang?) on the whole deal.

Brian called this morning before Sean left for work. He had called the county animal control and they told him that, most likely, they ticked off the first bat and he brought back some muscle to take care of things. OK, that’s not really what they said. They did say that it was probably the same bat and another one, but they attributed it to the first bat having found a nice place to hang out and inviting a lady friend back to the pad.

Boom chicka bow wow…

Ahem. Anyhow, they said they would keep coming back as long as they could get in. Oh, and that Sean and Brian couldn’t kill the bats. They are apparently federally regulated. The little batty stalkers basically have a restraining order against them. Helpful.

I knew better than to call for the first hour or so of the day today. When my curiosity couldn’t stand it any longer, I called to see how the bat hunt was going. I got Sean right as he was catching the bat tour bus with his sights set on relocating six bats. Far, far away.

At this point, psychologically, I’d say he’d made it past denial and bargaining and was firmly in the anger stage of emotional response. Or, at least the “highly annoyed and no longer even slightly amused at the ridiculousness of the situation” phase.

This afternoon, they caught bat number seven (which brings us to a grand total of eight over the two days). His assistant was going to take that one home to show her kids before releasing it in a park near her house. OK, you know how I listed my irrational fears the other day? If I were her, I’d be adding having that bat escape its pretzel barrel* and attacking me within the confined space of my car to that list.

Of course, I don’t think I’m alone on that one. I haven’t noticed any bats coming home for my children to see.

 

*It turns out that I was wrong–she didn’t get the pretzel barrel. Brian wouldn’t let her take it in case they need it tomorrow (which they won’t know until they get there since they didn’t turn on the alarm tonight). Instead, he put the bat in the cardboard box that the wireless earpiece for his cell phone came in. Apparently, it started getting a little dark while she was driving home. And the previously docile bat? It got a bit more active. She apparently got a lovely drive that included trying to hold the box lid down while driving her manual-shift car. Gaaah.

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Filed under just plain bizarre

For Matt

 

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Filed under Just for Fun

Twilight Fright

It is just past 10:30 pm, and my husband just came home.

No, he wasn’t working late into the evening. Actually, he came home from work a little early today since things were slow at the office and our large yard needed mowing. Everything was going great until right around 9:00. That is when Sean informed me that he was going back to the office. Because the alarm was going off. Again.

He called me on his way home to let me know that, after shooting some pictures while screaming like a girl, he decided that he would rather turn off the alarm and deal with the problem in the morning. In the daylight. When they might be a little less, um, active.

He’s still traumatized from having seen Kujo as a young child.

bat3

 

bat4

No, that isn’t the same bat in two different locations. He walked into a dark office with two bats. Two bats that will still be there in the morning.

They called their assistant to let her know the bats are there. She said she’d be in at nine in the morning with brooms.

Sean and Brian are thinking about coming in at ten.

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Filed under just plain bizarre, Scary Bits of Life

Planning My Investment Portfolio

I’ve been thinking, and I need to start investing for my children’s futures.

I’m thinking that bubble wrap, kevlar, and flame-retardant material would be good places to start.

Seriously, I was already considering using our frequent nickname for W~ on the blog instead of his initial (but haven’t since I don’t have nicknames for the other kids and don’t want to be unfair, even though they have no clue this blog exists). Sorry–tangent.

So, I’ve been thinking of referring to W~ as “Frat Boy,” since he is frequently referred to as such around here, given his amazing ability to make “interesting” choices that put him in serious bodily peril. But, after today, I’m beginning to wonder if I don’t have another frat boy in training.

Oh heavens, please, no.

It started this morning when the three mobile children decided to go out and play on our tire swing (my life is so Norman Rockwell that it is disgusting). Within a few minutes, W~ was back inside.

“Uh, mom, why is Daddy’s grill smoking?”

Well, now, that’s a great question.

I went outside and confirmed that, yes, there was smoke coming out of our grill. Specifically, it was coming out of the burner on the side of our grill, which was turned to “high.” And, from what I was able to piece together, it would appear that two-year-old C~ was the one who somehow managed to fire it up.

Great.

Everyone came inside because, hello, small children and a hot grill. I didn’t feel like standing there to make sure no one burned his fingers off. The kids went into the basement to play and watch t.v.

Later, as I was making lunch, N~ came running up the step.

“Mommy! C’s hurt! The t.v. fell on him!”

I ran down the steps, horrible thoughts of the rather large television laying on my small child. When I got to the bottom, W~ was holding the television up while C~ crawled out from underneath–unharmed.  Apparently, C~ decided to climb the t.v. (why???) and it fell off of the very stable t.v. stand. The bottom stayed up on the stand. Luckily, the kids had been playing on rocking horses in front of the t.v. and it looked like they broke the fall. I don’t think the t.v. ever actually landed on C~, just kind of trapped him between it and the t.v. stand.

But oh.my.gosh!

Can I just say how impressed I was with N~ and W~ though? They reacted perfectly. N~ ran for me while W~ held the t.v. up. That part still just amazes me. I mean, that t.v. was heavy for me to lift back up. How the heck was my three-year-old holding it??? The kid is a tank.

Please tell me this happens to other people’s kids, too. I write this stuff and think that you will all read and think that I’m some spaced-out, neglectful mother. I swear, I’m not! If anything, I get accused of being too protective.

And then I see kids running around whose parents really are totally spaced out. And I genuinely wonder how so many of them make it to adulthood.

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Bruce Wayne vs. Dwight Schrute

What do you do when the burglar alarm at your office goes off repeatedly throughout the night?

In our case, you sleep soundly since the police kept calling Brian,the other agent on the office lease. Then you laugh hysterically at how little sleep Brian must have gotten last night. Because I’m mean like that.

Of course, that doesn’t change the fact that Sean and Brian had to go into the office this morning not knowing why the darn alarm kept sounding. This is what they found:

bat2

In case you are wondering, that would be a bat hanging by his little tippy-toes from the window casing. Who the heck knows how he got in there, but I’m guessing he was pretty darn tired after a night of flying through the alarm trips. Not to mention hungry–there isn’t really any insect action going on in the insurance office (unless you want to count some credit roaches, but even a bat has better taste than that…). I suppose that is why he was so PO’d when Sean tried to catch and liberate him.

For the record, if a bat starts bearing fangs and hissing at me, I’m calling animal control–not going after him with an empty pretzel barrel.

bat

Yes, in the end, he was captured and put in a tree. Hopefully, he won’t return (because no one has a clue how he got there in the first place…). For that matter, let’s hope he wasn’t rabid (in addition to PO’d) and waiting to attack them when they leave this evening. And, of course, let’s hope that W’s wrong and he is not, in fact, a “grampire” (but if he is, Elaine, I’ll let you know).

Anyhow, the bat is free. Order has been restored.

But I will spend the rest of my day imagining my husband’s morning looking something like this:

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Filed under Daily Life, just plain bizarre

Dinner Conversation

As we were eating this evening, Sean looked at me and said, “Oh, I had a dream the other night that you were pregnant again.”

OK, that’s not what this is about but–aaack! I mean, sure, we have a seven-passenger vehicle and only six people in our family, so we aren’t maximizing the space. But, still!

N~ looked at me and said, “I had a dream that someone took me away.”

I don’t know if it is a developmental stage thing, but N~ has dreams like this somewhat regularly. I really don’t like to talk about scary things with my kids, but I decided that they are to a point where we should start having some basic discussions about safety with strangers. I told my kids that if someone they don’t know tries to take them away, they should never go. Then, I went for some role playing.

Me: What do you do if someone you don’t know tells you to come to their car with them so they can give you some candy?

N~: I don’t go with them.

Me: And what if they say that they want to take you to see their new puppy?

N~: I tell them “No.”

Me: What if they say that they need to take you to Mommy?

N~: I say, “I don’t want to see her!”

Wow. Thanks, kid. 😉 I guess it works, though.

*************************************

As I was typing this, Fox News ran a story about an uninsured man who was dealing with prostate cancer. When he went to apply for benefits from Oregon’s state run medical plan, he was told that they wouldn’t cover the expense of his chemotherapy, but they would pay for doctor-assisted suicide.

Oh. My. Gosh.

Everyone out there for national healthcare, raise your hand. Now, use it to smack yourself up the side of your head.

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Filed under I think my head might explode, Kids, politics, Scary Bits of Life