Observations (Here’s Your Sign)

During the course of our vacation, I took close to 200 pictures (and I promise to post some for those of you with the password!). But, Oh!, the pictures that I missed! I took the camera to the theme parks. I schlepped it down to the pool. I was prepared for the predictable photo ops.

Who knew that I would miss so much in the car?

No, not of the kids and what was going on inside of the car. I’m talking about the various things we saw as we drove down the highway. Some were bizarre. Some were hilarious. Some were more than worthy of a Bill Engvall-esque “Here’s your sign…”. (Mild swearing in this video, if you don’t want to hear it.)

 

I did, of course, already mention some things, like the loogey-hochin’ granny and Cooter. Ironically, on the way home we saw the General Lee (several times) and the Hazzard County sheriff’s cruiser. Turns out that Georgia has a Dukes of Hazzard Festival this time of year. Who knew?

general lee

OK, so I did get a couple of pictures when we stopped at the hotel for the night.

hazzard bound

But I was talking about stupid things…

Have you ever had to enter a highway, from another highway, going about 20 mph because of the two farm tractors entering the highway in front of you? Yeah, me neither. And you can ask anyone who knows me–I live in Cooterville. Heck, when I give people directions to my house, it includes the phrase “Turn right on the first street after the corn (or soybean, depending on the year) field.” We have plenty of tractors on the side roads. But on major highways? In the normal driving lanes? Not even in Cooterville.

Speaking of things Cootervillian, we passed a sign for the Museum of Appalachia. I couldn’t help but think of Elaine.

And speaking of signs…While driving through Georgia, you see many large billboards with a beautiful Asian woman on them advertising for “The Jade Spa…Trucker parking available.” Yeah. I googled them. They offer body shampoos and massages. I wonder how many times a week they get raided?

One of our favorite things we saw while driving was another car. It had all kinds of nutso, ultra-liberal and anti-religious bumper stickers on it. On the rear windshield, the drivers had used a window marker to write “Not our car. Not our sentiments.” It was hilarious.

And now for some non-driving observations…

The people who determine how long the wait time is for rides at Universal are all on crack. We let S~ ride a roller coaster while we did something else because the sign said it had a 10 minute wait. Over an hour later, we were going crazy because we still couldn’t find her. She had been in the line that long. It wasn’t the only time we had that experience, by far. But

Teenage girls should come installed with LoJack. At the very least, S~ should. I probably spent at least 45 minutes of every day that we were in Orlando looking for the girl. All that effort I put into making necklaces for my kids with my phone number, and it was the 14-year-old who kept wandering off. Go figure.

Speaking of S~, I wish that someone would have warned me that she sometimes sleeps with her eyes open. She also sleeps very heavily. These two things combined when we stopped for the last time to eat dinner on our way home. About ten more seconds of calling her name and shaking her leg without a response, and I would have lost it.

And finally…How do people who live off of junk food do it? I’m not a super-healthy eater, but I do pretty well. While I was on vacation, though, my nutritional intake sucked. Two days of Cinnabons for breakfast. IHOP another day. Soft pretzels, popcorn, and churros for lunch. Slushies and diet soda to drink. I occasionally managed a salad or a veggie burger, but you just don’t get many opportunities for that kind of stuff in amusement parks and fast food joints.

Without getting too graphic, let’s just say that my insides didn’t approve. I had digestive issues. I was getting heart palpitations (lack of calcium seems to do that to all of the women in our family). It got uncomfortable. How the heck do people live like that? Do their bodies somehow adjust? Or are they just always miserable and don’t even realize it?

All I know is that I was at the store within hours of getting home, buying fruit, veggies, fish, cottage cheese, and Grape Nuts.

And life is getting better.

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2 Comments

Filed under Idiot Files, Just for Fun, just plain bizarre, vacation

2 responses to “Observations (Here’s Your Sign)

  1. Lilola

    Glad your back and all in one piece (so to speak). I love Bill Engvall; thanx for posting the video!

  2. Oh no, people who live like that are miserable, so they go to the doctor, who prescribes some kind of medication that doesn’t fix the problem, but causes a bunch of wonky side effects. So they go back to the doctor, who gives them more medication to treat the “new symptoms” and so on and so forth. If I were a doctor my slogan would be: Put down the Twinkies, put down the pills. Now back away and call me in a month.

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