Last night, after a long and exhausting final excursion to Kings Island for the year, I found myself at Target shopping for birthday presents. I spent the next hour or so wandering up and down the toy aisles wondering what the heck a six-year-old girl and eleven-year-old boy would think was cool that wouldn’t, you know, prevent us from eating for the next week.
As I wandered, something eventually caught my attention. Christmas music. Oh. My. Gosh. People. We aren’t even through with Halloween yet. Could we maybe not make me sick of the Holiday season before it even begins?
Of course, the rampant consumerism of Christmastime did not end with Mariah Carey crooning that all she wants for Christmas is me (well, not me, hopefully–that would be awkward). Oh no, there were Christmas toys out, too.
Now, I feel the need to preface this next part with a little bit of information. When W~ turned four a couple of weeks ago, he asked for a pirate themed party. Instead of trying to do something creative and piratey with icing, I bought some pirate figurines made by Playmobil, stuck them on the cake, and called it good. He was thrilled–a fun cake and an extra present all rolled up in one.
(In case you are wondering, yes, there is a skeleton hanging from a chain around his neck on the big rock thing in the back. I’m very in tune with keeping my children free from nightmares.)
At this point, you may be wondering what the heck that has to do with Christmas toys. WELL…As I was perusing the section of Playmobil figurines last night, I came across this little gem:
Um, yeah, for some reason they have a foreign version on the website. If you haven’t figured it out, though, it is a pirate advent calendar. Each day, you open a box and get a little toy that allows you to count down to the birth of Christ with cheery little purveyors of rape, pillage, and plunder. Baby Jesus not included.
To be fair, though, right next to it was this:
In my sick little mind, I can’t help but imagine that you are meant to purchase both sets. That way, the pirates can plunder the gold, frankincense, and myrrh from the three wise men and, at the very least, the baby Jesus can pop out of the treasure chest on Christmas day.
For my part, I just can’t help but wonder when Target will start piping in the inevitable new Christmas carol a la Jack Sparrow:
Yo Ho! Yo Ho!
The birth of Christ for me!
Hey, at least it really would work for Christmastime at Halloween.