Moving on with Life

First, off: Thank you all. While I am spending very little time on the computer right now (sleep is kind of a big thing for me lately), I have taken the time to read through all of the comments not only on my blog, but also on the posts my sister and my mother put up right after the accident. It is so amazing to see the support–to know that there were people who I have never even had the pleasure of meeting face to face who were praying for me and my family. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Your prayers are felt and appreciated. And, to those of you who have been helping me out in real life, your efforts are appreciated, too (and your food is being eaten and enjoyed). I am so fortunate to be surrounded by such wonderful and generous people.

Normally, it is hard for me to allow people to do things for me. This time, though, I have welcomed it. The truth is, I’m still dealing with a lot of pain. I hate admitting that because I feel like I’m being a whiner, but that is my reality right now. My bruises are starting to show some signs of fading (well, maybe not around the cut on my chest, which has now turned every color of the hematoma rainbow–sexy), but the center of my chest still screams with some of the simplest movements. I can usually pick E~ up without it being too bad, but if he moves suddenly or bumps me–not good. The poor kid is not getting held nearly as much as he is used to, which makes me feel horrible.

The other thing that kills me is that, while we have been able to talk to the other kids about their fears and feelings about what happened, E~ is too young to really comfort. As a result, he is terrified of being in the car. We took him to a car dealership with us last night. Every time we turned, hit a bump, hit the breaks, etc. he would shake his head back and forth and scream. I was sitting next to him the whole way trying to comfort him, but it just wasn’t helping. Thank heavens, he was so tired by the time we finished that he was able to sleep most of the way home. I hope that he will be able to feel safer soon.

As far as our dealership journey went, we did find a car. After how well our Explorer protected us, we decided to stick with a Ford. With a fifth child on the way, though, we decided to go bigger. We are getting a used 2008 Expedition EL (that is the model with an extended back–similar to a Chevy Suburban). It only has a little over 16,000 miles on it, and it looks brand new, so we should be happy with it for many years to come. And it’s a tank.

There is probably a lot more that I could say right now, but I’m going to leave it here. It has taken me all day just to get out this much. And, honestly, I don’t know how ready I am to face all of the emotions I’m still dealing with. Let’s just say that I’m going to sleep with the TV on and awake a lot in the middle of the night.

Once again, thank you for all of your thoughts, prayers, and help. Things are getting better.