I’m Ready to Impose a Vow of Silence

This afternoon, once the kids were all down for quiet time, I decided to call T~ and get that conversation (or pre-conversation) out of the way. I’m sure that she appreciated getting a call that, after the initial pleasantries, started with, “Well, I’m not actually calling for a long conversation this time, but I wanted to talk to you about having a conversation and wanted to warn you what it is about beforehand so you have time to, um, deal with it and prepare…” Yeah, like that wouldn’t make anyone nervous.

There is no question that she was surprised when I told her about the conversations we had been having with Noah over the past couple of days. Like me, she just wasn’t expecting to have to deal with all of this so soon. She suggested getting together, and I told her to figure out a time that works for her and I would make it work for us. In the meantime, though, she said that she would call back to talk to him since he asked to talk to her. She didn’t do it today, but I understand that. I’ll give her time. Of course, as she and I both know, he may not even bring any of it up with her. He has never talked to her about their relationship.

Even though we didn’t talk for very long this afternoon, T~ did seem more willing to open up to me about some stuff than she has in the past. I definitely got some information that I didn’t know before. I know that some of it is stuff that is really hard for her to talk about, so I am so grateful that she is talking to me about it. It is a tough thing, really. I don’t want to push her too far, but I want information for my son.

So, after dealing with all of the open adoption stuff yesterday and this afternoon, I deserved a break today, right?


For Noah’s history lesson today, we learned about Harriet Tubman and the Underground Railroad. Would anyone like to take a guess at just how much fun it is to explain to your biracial child that, at one time, people with skin like his were owned by people with skin like mine?

Yeah. Good times.

Tomorrow, I fully expect for him to ask me to explain exactly how the baby got in my tummy, including demonstrations with anatomically correct dolls. That should just about round out the list of possible uncomfortable conversations, right?



Filed under adoption, Daily Life, Homeschooling, Kids, open adoption, Parenting

7 responses to “I’m Ready to Impose a Vow of Silence

  1. Wow. You do have a lot on your plate. Would it be too rude to say, I’m glad its you and not me? Your story is making our ‘family unit’ assignment sound like a piece of cake! 🙂

    • Not rude at all. We all end up dealing with stuff. Usually, adoption issues really aren’t a big thing in our lives–just something we acknowledge and move on. The past couple of days, though, have been a little more emotional on that front. I haven’t even shared some of the stuff because it gets into topics that I don’t talk about here. Of course, Noah hasn’t brought any of it back up, so he seems to have just moved on.

  2. Just get it all over with now. ha ha.

  3. Goodness, that is a lot to deal with all at once.

    Having been adopted in a closed adoption myself, I didn’t really have the same questions that Noah has. I can tell, you, though, that any curiosity I had surrounding my birthparents was usually pretty fleeting, as I felt a wholeness about the relationship I had with my parents and family.

    I hope all your follow-up conversations on these topics bring everyone involved peace and understanding!

  4. I love how you handle your adoption sitch. I really REALLy respect it and I’m so glad for all three members of your triad that you are so open and honest and really value the relationship between the three of you. Glad you made some headway on getting info. I’m sure that line is difficult to walk.

  5. Two of my friends, one black and one white, were at the geneaology library. My white friend found that she had slave holding ancestry. She was horrified and felt the need to apologize to my other friend.
    My black friend’s response? Don’t worry about it, my ancestors held slaves, too.
    Appearances to the contrary, your son is as white as he is black. IMO.

    • I agree with your opinion, Lilola. I have been thinking about writing my thoughts on that topic, even though I know that it has the potential to really tick some people off. 😉

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