Week 19—Knock, Knock!

Have I mentioned yet that I get pretty neurotic when I’m pregnant?

The way I see it, once a kid is out of you, it is a lot easier to tell how he is doing. Even if there is a problem, you can see it and do something about it. But when the kid is still in the womb? Who the heck knows what is going on in there? There could be a problem and I wouldn’t do anything about it because I wouldn’t know! And for someone with control issues, that is just a little more than disconcerting.

Now, add to that the fact that this poor kid got shaken like a martini when I was ten weeks pregnant. And, just for fun (and to demonstrate what a basket case I can truly be), consider Eli’s birthday cake last week. Right before the party, Sean was moving things to make room to serve food. He set the cake board on the (cool) stove. Unfortunately, he bumped the knob to the burner and didn’t realize it until the board started smoking. Only the bottom was damaged, and we all ate cake. The next day, I was eating a piece of cake over the area where the burner had been. I noticed some dampness and assumed one of the kids had spilled a bit of his drink on the board. After I was done eating, though, I had a funny taste in my mouth.

Folks, I became convinced that chemicals had been released off of the top of the board when it was heated and I had just ingested them. I spent the rest of the day obsessing about whether I had just poisoned the baby. From that point forward, I would only serve the top half of the remaining cake.

See? Neurotic.

So, when I passed week seventeen without feeling the baby move? I was getting panicked. I always (always!) feel my babies moving by week seventeen. Heck, with Eli, I was feeling stuff by around thirteen weeks. But, no matter how still I would lay and how much I would concentrate, I just couldn’t feel a thing.

By the middle of this week, it was bothering me enough that I mentioned it to my mom.

“Well, your stomach is still growing. Do you hear a heartbeat when you go to the doctor?”

Yes, obviously, I have taken these things into consideration. I knew the baby was alive. I was more worried about it being paralyzed (in that way where you know that you are being entirely irrational).

Later on that day, as I laid down and attempted a nap, I felt two big flips in my tummy. Then, little kicks. I’ve felt the baby every day since then. Not a lot, yet, but little motions here and there. Signs of life. Proof that the kid isn’t paralyzed. Maybe I’ll make it until the ultrasound Thursday without having a stroke from stress after all.



Several people noticed that I was pregnant for the first time at church today. No question—I get bigger faster with each pregnancy.


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Filed under A Scary Look into My Mind, pregnancy

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