A little over a week ago, we had an activity at church for all of the kids. As it fell very close to the wildly popular (in Utah, but still observed periodically around here) Pioneer Day, all of the activities were centered around things the Mormon pioneers would do. Some of the favorite activities were crushing plates (the pioneers crushed their china to put into the cement that made the temple walls so that it would sparkle)—an activity that I am happy to report that no one has attempted so far at home, and making homemade butter by shaking cream in a baby food jar.

The other night, as we ate spaghetti squash(!) harvested from my garden(!) (I’m really getting into this gardening thing—I recently found just how wonderful zucchini bread is when you substitute chocolate chips for the raisins), green beans, and bread, my kids decided to pull out their homemade butter to go with their meals.

Sean looked at the little jars of butter.

“You know,” he said, “there are just enough crazy people that I bet you could make a real business of breastmilk butter. I mean, it would be all natural, and people are always talking about the big health benefits of breastmilk. I bet there are people that would be totally into it. You could probably charge $100 for a little tub. Just imagine.” He finished with a sly smile.

Of course I could imagine.

“Yeah, I can see it now,” I told him. “Every evening, hundreds of lactating women would wander in from the pasture, head to the barn, and sit all crammed together—hooked up to breast pumps—while eating their evening meal.”

Maybe they’d even get a Harper’s Bazaar and a pedicure.

Of course, it would have to be marketed as BUSTer, and branding would be important. I’m thinking something like Land-O-Leaks with an Indian whose proportions are roughly equivalent to Pamela Anderson on the front.

Someday, when I have my own episode of Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous, they will refer back to this blog post. “It all started with engorged boobs and a dream…”


This is what happens, folks, when I have had WAY too little sleep. Well, this, and the raging sleep-deprivation migraine that is threatening to settle in…



Filed under A Scary Look into My Mind, Just for Fun, just plain bizarre

5 responses to “Moo.

  1. You are too funny. Hope all is going well with your little sweetling!

  2. Ashley

    You two are so clever and funny! I love your posts.

  3. Christina

    Oh man – scary part? Someone out there is probably already trying to sell such a thing.

    Glad you haven’t lost your sense of humor with all the sleep deprivation! How’s baby Violet?

  4. Breastmilk butter – Ew.

    Zucchini bread with chocolate chips – Yum!

  5. Sunflower Seeds

    I just about shot milk through my nose on this one. Good old-fashioned cow’s milk, mind you. 😉

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