Category Archives: Idiot Files

Updates on Life

Would anyone care to explain to me why, if ear infections are not contagious, HALF of my family is currently dealing with them? Sean has been trying to ignore his away since last week. Eli has been on antibiotics for the one I didn’t know he had for a week now. And when I took Noah and Caleb in to get medicine for their pink eye? Well, what do you know, Caleb is fighting full-blown ear infections in both ears! Holy crap, people! None of my kids has ever had an ear infection before!

We now have a good stash of eye drops and antibiotics going on around here. On the plus side, Eli is probably safe from the pink eye since he has been on antibiotics for a week. I may just start putting the drops in Wyatt’s eyes even though he doesn’t have any symptoms yet. Experience has taught me that it is easier to just prevent it than to keep chasing it from kid to kid.

In other news…

Sean picked up the accident report and cd of the 911 call for me today. Interestingly, the accident report had a cover letter stating that, in accordance with federal law, the social security numbers had been redacted.

Federal law. I’m definitely talking to that cop’s boss.

Anyhow, the accident report is pretty worthless. No surprise there. The cop who filed it was being pretty worthless, too.

But the 911 call…

Folks, my memory did not fail me. My phone picked him up in three different places. I know what he was saying each time, but I’m guessing some of it will need enhanced for other people to understand it.

The first time is, unfortunately, the least clear. Nevertheless, I’m 99% certain they’ll be able to make out him telling me that he’ll lose his license if he gets cited (assuming they really try).

The second time it picks him up, there is absolutely no question what he is saying. He tells me he’ll get my car fixed (he was trying to talk me out of reporting the accident). If that isn’t an admission of responsibility, I really don’t know what is.

The third time, only part of it is really clear. It is kind of muffled as he is asking me to talk to his father, who he has on his cell phone (the dad wanted to try and talk me out of calling the police). I tell him that the cops are already on their way. At that point, you can hear him tell his dad, “She says she can’t talk to you.” His dad showed up right after the cop did strictly so he could monitor what happened. I have no question that his dad told him to lie and say that I ran into him.

I emailed the audio file to the insurance adjuster. I’m hoping it will be enough for them to get the other insurance company to admit to his financial responsibility. Then, I have to figure out how to deal with the police. I have the social security number issue to address with them, but I want more than that. I want them to go after him for filing a false police report. I want to see him held accountable for this nonsense.



Filed under Daily Life, Idiot Files, Kids

Why Do the Criminals Get All of the Rights?

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In case you are wondering, that is what happens when you bang your head against the keyboard.

So, when I wrote about the Lying Jerk Face (heretofore known as LJF) who backed into me yesterday, there are a few things that I left out. I did it on purpose, because I wanted to confirm what I suspected before I said it here.


You know how I said he tried to talk me out of calling the police? I mean REALLY, REALLY tried? And then got mad when I did it anyhow?

Did you know that, if you have enough personal information about a person, you can pull up their driving record on the Bureau of Motor Vehicles website? Ah, see, you learned something today. Or, at least, I learned something. Actually, I learned A LOT of something.

For instance…

  • LJF has two separate DUI’s and a drug conviction.
  • He refused to take a breathalyzer on the scene of both DUI’s.
  • His license has been revoked five times (three concurrent for one offense, two concurrent for another offense) and is currently driving under a three year restriction.
  • He has settled an injury case out of court.
  • He was picked up by the cops twice in the same day (once for reckless driving, once for one of the DUI’s) in two different counties.
  • He currently has 14 points on his license. (Fourteen! People, that takes effort! Especially when your license has been revoked for half of the reporting period!)

And that is just the standard three-year driving record report. Who knows what this idiot did before then?

Could someone please tell me why the heck this guy is still on the road??? Or why the cop on the scene of our accident didn’t press him a bit harder instead of just acting like I was wasting his time by wanting him to take a police report?

Or, better yet…

You know how I said that you can get this information if you have enough personal information about someone? When the cop came, he had us each fill out two forms. One was our statements about what happened in the accident. The other asked for our name, address, phone number, birthday, driver’s license number, social security number, and insurance company. After we filled those out, the cop gave me his, and GAVE HIM MINE!

That’s right. LJF, who is a CONVICTED CRIMINAL, has ALL of my personal information! The only thing he didn’t get was my insurance policy number! And that was the only bit of information that he actually needed!

People, I’m going to order a complete criminal background check on him. Because I only know what shows up related to his driving record. And, given what a gem THAT shows him to be, I would really like to know what else this guy who now possesses my Social Security number and HOME ADDRESS has done. You know, in case I want to get a concealed carry permit.

And, if he does have a record outside of his stellar driving performance? I will raise hell with the police department. This should not be legal. They had to know who they were handing my personal  information over to when they did it. And that? That is just wrong.

ETA: And now they are talking on the news about how they are going to start reading Miranda Rights to terrorists. See? We have to protect the rights of those criminals. People who pine for the days of the Warren court need their heads examined.


Filed under I think my head might explode, Idiot Files, Scary Bits of Life

Sometimes, I Hate People


Is it Wrong to Hope He’ll Rot in Hell? Because This Life Sure Isn’t Fair.


First, let me start by saying that yesterday was a completely lovely day. I even got a nap. And I had wanted to write a positive blog post today to balance out my last one. Obviously, that’s not happening.


In an effort to make today another lovely day (like yesterday), I thought it would be fun to take the kids to our local children’s museum. After all, it was raining outside. Plus, the museum has a new exhibit about dragons which I figured the boys would really enjoy. So, we got ready, loaded up and hit the road.

A couple of miles from the museum, I stopped behind a pickup truck at a stop sign. Let me rephrase: I stopped SEVERAL FEET behind a pickup truck at a stop sign and SAT THERE, MOTIONLESS for a few second. Then, I watched his reverse lights come on. And I laid on my horn as he proceeded to back into me.

He pulled back up and, for a minute there, I thought he was going to take off. He finally got out and, at first, tried to say that it looked like my car wasn’t damaged. Yeah. Except for those dents in my bumper and that spot where the grill is cracked in half.




We pulled off of the road into an abandoned parking lot and I proceeded to call and report the accident. That was the point at which he started begging me to Please, Please, Please just exchange insurance information with him because he doesn’t have a good driving record and he’s going to lose his license over this.

Um, no. And dude, if you are that big of a menace on the road, you shouldn’t be allowed to drive.

After I called the police, he told me that if I was going to go and make things difficult by reporting the accident, he just wouldn’t give me his insurance information. Yeah, nice, huh? Of course, it turns out that this probably had more to do with the fact that he didn’t have it on him. (Did he think I would just trust him when he broke out with some random policy number without me being able to verify that he wasn’t just pulling it out of a bodily orifice?)

At this point, I was getting concerned because I suspected what he was going to do. And I was right. When the cop showed up, the dude LIED TO HIS FACE. That’s right. Apparently, he was just sitting at that stop sign, tweedle deedle dee, innocent as can be, when I slammed into the back of his truck.

People, livid does not begin to describe how I feel about this situation.

Now, I don’t think the cop believed him. After all, he didn’t ticket me. But he didn’t ticket HIM, either. And that means that I’m on the hook for my insurance deductible. Oh, and to make it even more cheerful? In order to perpetuate his lie and try to save his own a…hem…butt, he has filed an insurance claim trying to make ME pay for the damage to HIS CAR.


I wish that outburst would have been even slightly cathartic.

So, yeah, I’ve got a busted grill (or my car does…my face, and every other part of my body, is fine), a $500 deductible, a lying jerk to deal with, and—to make it even more enjoyable—little boys who have been playing compare and contrast this accident to the last one all day long. Because I really want them to have to think about that, too.

But, there may be hope.

You see, he was apologizing and trying to convince me to not report the accident WHILE I WAS ON THE PHONE WITH 911 DISPATCH. I’ve requested a copy of the call and should have it in a few days. I’m hoping that he’ll be audible on it. At the very least, I know that I will be, and I was having to interrupt my conversation with the dispatcher to reply to what he was saying.

Call me uncharitable, but I’m hoping it will be enough to pin his hide to the wall.


Filed under I think my head might explode, Idiot Files, Scary Bits of Life

Cookie Contemplations (Random Insight Into My Personality)

Last night, I decided to make chocolate chip cookies (the natives rejoiced). I used to bake cookies on a regular basis. Due to a combination of lack of time and acknowledgement that, as the only adult home all day, I was consuming the majority of them, I just don’t make them very often anymore. But, there was a very long period of time in my life where making chocolate chip cookies did not require pulling out a recipe because I could do it without even thinking about it.

As I looked at my recipe and made my cookies last night, I started thinking about a guy that I dated shortly before Sean came back from serving a two year mission in Hungary. I was twenty-one at the time, and was enjoying the most active dating life of my entire existence. Jared and I went to church together. He was a nice guy with a really outgoing personality. He was creative the first time he asked me out (he rewrote Where the Wild Things Are to ask me on a date to the zoo). He was likable.

I don’t remember exactly how it started, but on our first date he told me that since he had taken me out to dinner, I needed to cook dinner for him. I kind of brushed it off. Our second date, we went bowling. He decided that we would be playing for dinner–as in, if I lost, I had to cook one for him. Umm, see a theme developing? I did. And I suddenly felt less like I was out having fun and more like I was auditioning for the position of Future Happy Homemaker. I honestly suspect that some man in his life at some point had cautioned him not to get serious about a girl until he knew if she could cook. Because, you know, you don’t want to be stuck for eternity eating Hamburger Helper.

Here’s the thing–I can cook (although I confess to the occasional lazy pleasure of a box with a smiling glove on it). Frankly, in addition to those cookies that I could have whipped up off the top of my head, I can put together some pretty tasty (and even healthy) meals. It really wouldn’t have been a big deal to cook for him. There was just no freaking way that I was going to. I wasn’t going to let him pester me into feeling like I had to prove myself as a woman to him.

If memory serves me, I was careful to never outright lie to Jared about my cooking abilities. I just let him make his own assumptions. And he made those assumptions to the point that he quickly decided that I was incapable of even boiling the water to make a box of macaroni and cheese. After a few more dates, I was convinced that I wasn’t interested in auditioning and he was convinced that I was completely inept in the kitchen. We stopped dating.

A few months later, he was engaged to another girl. I’m guessing she cooked him dinner on the first date.


Filed under A Scary Look into My Mind, Idiot Files

Wii Need Advice (And Other Bits of Life)

I had a snowball fight with God today.


Seriously, when I left to go grocery shopping this morning, it was raining outside. By the time I got to my first destination (about eight minutes later!), it was–snowing? I mean, it was snow, but not the nice cheery snowflakes that drift down and make you all excited for the approaching holidays. No, these were big, wet, mini-snowball blobs that pelted me in the face and soaked me to the core. This condition persisted as I left the first store, entered the second store, came back out again, and unloaded my groceries from the car.

About ten minutes after I got home, it backed way the heck off. (Ha, ha, Lord. Veeeery funny.)


I have a question for you, my loyal readers. Please take this seriously and give me feedback–my kids’ Christmas joy may hang in the balance. 😉

Sean’s office mate finds himself in the odd position of having an extra Wii (I know!), and is trying to convince us to buy it for our kids for Christmas. At first, we weren’t interested. We thought our kids would be too young to consider a gaming system, you know? I’m starting to change my mind, though. My brother assures me that my kids would really be into it (he’s played one, but doesn’t own one, and his kids are older than mine, so this is his opinion, not tried and true fact from experience). I have no clue because I have never played a Wii. Ever. Yes, I live a sad and sheltered life.

So…I know that some of you have Wii’s. And have kids. And have combined the two. What do you think? Would this bring Christmas joy to a 5 1/2, 4, and 2 1/2 year old, or disappointment at the reduction in the present count? (Yes, that sounds horrible and greedy, but they are little kids with only basic understanding of monetary value and, let’s face it, unwrapping presents is a lot of fun.) My kids love their Leapsters, so I’m thinking it might be a hit.  And I’m also thinking about long winter months with energetic little boys trapped in the house–the chance to punch each other in the face virtually might reduce the number of times it occurs in reality.



Can I just tell you one more time how happy I am with my decision to not throw my kids in with the huddled masses of public school? My brother-in-law and nieces have been hanging out at our house since last night. He was telling me that his six-year-old daughter is getting special help because her school district said she only reads on the level of a kid in the fourth month of kindergarten.

OK, so N~ is in the third month of kindergarten and is currently working on the first in a series of nine phonics readers. Out of curiosity, I called my niece over and asked her if she wanted to work on reading with me. I handed her N’s reader.

No problem.

I went down and pulled out the ninth reader. She struggled on a couple of blends and sight words, but did fine. When we finished, I asked her what the story was about.

“Well, she took a bath at the end.”

“Why did she take a bath?”

“She got covered in mud.”

As this sufficiently summed up the entire plot line of the story, I’d say she’s doing ok on comprehending what she reads, too.

She may be a little behind, but to label her and make her self conscious? What happened to accepting the reality that some kids are able to read sooner than others? When I have talked to my pediatrician about reading, she has told me that anywhere from three to eight years old is considered developmentally on target. Obviously, school districts have decided otherwise.


Today, I am Thankful For:

  1. Coats, hats, and mittens. I would have been even more grateful if I had been wearing any of the above as I was pelted with snow blobs earlier.
  2. The luxury of a heating system that doesn’t require trips outside to chop wood while being pelted with snow blobs.
  3. Having my kids back home. Of course, I may not be quite as grateful for the recorders (you remember those loud, obnoxious whistles, right?) that their great-grandmother sent back with them.
  4. Good sales at the grocery store. And the opportunity to explain the concept of price per ounce to my nine-year-old niece, then watching her looking for the best deals on the things we were buying.
  5. That the fantastic specimen of decorum (aka crazy redneck lady) next to me at WalMart didn’t start throwing punches when she got mad at the woman in front of her that was taking too long at the self-checkout (sooooo not making this up). There were lots of obscenities screamed and “you want to do something about it?”-s yelled, but no actual hitting. Which is great, because filling out a police report takes awhile.


Filed under A Scary Look into My Mind, Daily Life, Homeschooling, Idiot Files, Kids, NaBloPoMo, Thirty Days of Thankfulness

It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like???

Last night, after a long and exhausting final excursion to Kings Island for the year, I found myself at Target shopping for birthday presents. I spent the next hour or so wandering up and down the toy aisles wondering what the heck a six-year-old girl and eleven-year-old boy would think was cool that wouldn’t, you know, prevent us from eating for the next week.

As I wandered, something eventually caught my attention. Christmas music. Oh. My. Gosh. People. We aren’t even through with Halloween yet. Could we maybe not make me sick of the Holiday season before it even begins?

Of course, the rampant consumerism of Christmastime did not end with Mariah Carey crooning that all she wants for Christmas is me (well, not me, hopefully–that would  be awkward). Oh no, there were Christmas toys out, too.

Now, I feel the need to preface this next part with a little bit of information. When W~ turned four a couple of weeks ago, he asked for a pirate themed party. Instead of trying to do something creative and piratey with icing, I bought some pirate figurines made by Playmobil, stuck them on the cake, and called it good. He was thrilled–a fun cake and an extra present all rolled up in one.

pirate cake

(In case you are wondering, yes, there is a skeleton hanging from a chain around his neck on the big rock thing in the back. I’m very in tune with keeping my children free from nightmares.)


At this point, you may be wondering what the heck that has to do with Christmas toys. WELL…As I was perusing the section of Playmobil figurines last night, I came across this little gem:

pirate advent


Um, yeah, for some reason they have a foreign version on the website. If you haven’t figured it out, though, it is a pirate advent calendar. Each day, you open a box and get a little toy that allows you to count down to the birth of Christ with cheery little purveyors of rape, pillage, and plunder. Baby Jesus not included.

To be fair, though, right next to it was this:

nativity toy


In my sick little mind, I can’t help but imagine that you are meant to purchase both sets. That way, the pirates can plunder the gold, frankincense, and myrrh from the three wise men and, at the very least, the baby Jesus can pop out of the treasure chest on Christmas day.

For my part, I just can’t help but wonder when Target will start piping in the inevitable new Christmas carol a la Jack Sparrow:

Yo Ho! Yo Ho!

The birth of Christ for me! 


Hey, at least it really would work for Christmastime at Halloween.


Filed under A Scary Look into My Mind, Idiot Files, just plain bizarre

He is a Man, After All

At dinner, Sean was telling me about the daily drama at his office. One of his assistants was already in a bit of a tizzy after a client got worked up after she (the assistant) referred to a payment reminder as a “nasty gram.” While she was calming down from that fiasco, another client kindly asked her when her baby was due.

She’s not pregnant.

She was, understandably, perturbed by the conversation, and went to Sean for a sympathetic ear.

“The thing is,” he told me, “I’m really good at listening to people…”

“No, you’re not,” I interrupted. “You’re just good at pretending to listen for awhile.” I might have some experience with this phenomenon. Daily.

“OK, I’m really good at seeming like I’m paying attention to the type of people who feel like coming to me with this kind of stuff,” he  conceded. “But I never know what to say to them.”

You don’t look pregnant, might have been a good choice,” I offered.

“So, you think I should lie?”

OK, having never met her, I didn’t anticipate that.

“So, what did you say to her?” I asked.

“I told her that maybe she was just retaining water today.”

I laughed so hard I almost cried. He’s probably lucky she didn’t quit on him.


Filed under Daily Life, Idiot Files, Just for Fun