The relative has come and gone. The conversation has been had.
Bah.
Really, folks, I tried to keep my cool. I only felt like I lost it once, at a point where I just couldn’t take her minimizing the situation anymore. Her reaction at that point, honestly, could have sent me into a tailspin, but I held it together. I was supremely angry from that point on, but I held it together.
But I’m getting ahead of myself.
I started by calmly mentioning the fact that the young man had mentioned spending time in prison and asking her what for. She tried to hide the answer. She just said something about not knowing all of the details, but his record has been wiped clean now.
Not a good way to start.
I told her what we had been told about the situation, at which point she conceded the fact that it had to do with other kids. I started to tell her how upset I was at the situation. She cut me off and said that other family members had already talked to her about it and he wouldn’t come to anything else, so it was no longer an issue that needed to be discussed.
Like heck.
This was about more than just this kid. This is about her judgement. About the fact that I can’t trust her if she doesn’t see a problem with what she did (and it was obvious that she didn’t see a problem with it).
I’m not going to write about the worst thing that she said to me–it is too personal. What I will say about it, though, is that if she hadn’t been family, her butt would have hit the pavement.
She tried to make the conversation about just about anything other than the real issue. She asked me if I thought this kid should be an outcast.Of course not. That doesn’t mean that you bring him to family functions with a ton of kids and not tell their parents.
She asked if I then also think that my kids shouldn’t be around another family member with a drug issue (and why I do let them around him). Um, yeah, I’m not thrilled about the drug thing, and sometimes I wish he wasn’t around them at get-togethers. Of course, he barely interacts with anyone at the parties, let alone my kids. And it’s not like I think he’s going to sneak off with them and shoot them up. And there are some things that you tolerate because you’re dealing with family, but you would never intentionally expose your kids to from an outside source (see above comment about butt meeting concrete).
She suggested that my having a problem with this is due to me having “control issues.” OK, for the record, I do not deny having control issues. But, hello? You don’t need control issues to want your kids kept out of harm’s way. Sheesh.
I tried to end the conversation on a more positive point. I told her that I think that what she does with these kids is admirable. I told her that I’m glad that she cares so much for them–they need it. But she has the freedom to do it because she is a single woman and doesn’t have little kids to worry about protecting.
Her reply?
“I find it strange that you have such an issue with this, but you bring the occult and séances and stuff into your home.”
What?!
OK, at this point I glanced up at my tv and realized that I had last night’s episode of The Secret Lives of Women on (paused). It was about psychics this week. She must have watched some of it when I went to the store this morning.
I explained to her that my kids don’t watch that stuff. Hence the fact that it was paused. Kids in the room=adult shows not playing. One would think that this would end that conversation.
One would be wrong.
You see, the show on psychics is not my worst infraction. Oh no. I’m a serial offender.
I let my kids watch Harry Potter.
Da da da Duuuuum!
Yep, that’s right, letting my kids watch Harry Potter is apparently worse than knowingly exposing them to someone with a past involving children. Naturally, I asked her if she had ever read a single one of the books.
Of course not.
But, she doesn’t need to read them to know that they are evil, evil, EVIL I SAY!
I told her that, having read all of the books (and having an English degree and a real issue with people who are all for uninformed book banning), I’m not going to keep my kids away from some great stories just because some fringe, right-wing Christian wackos say so (yep, this coming from the good little Mormon girl). I also asked her if fairy tales were banned in her house when her kids were growing up (nope, but that’s different!).
So, in summary:
Bringing a border-line adult with a past to hang out around little kids: Good.
Wanting to protect your children from becoming some sad statistic: Bad.
Oh, and Harry Potter? Just plain evil.
I need a tylenol.
*If you are interested in learning about some of the Christian symbolism woven throughout the Harry Potter series, you can read the analysis my sister did on the topic here. Really, it’s worth the time.